I'm still not sure how I feel about spirituality.

It does seem the people who have experienced NDE's at least have first-hand examples of the after life. And if they're to be trusted, there's nothing to fear about death. People such as Jocko or David Goggins, will of course preach never to be content and always strive for more and more, push yourself beyond your limits. I used to feel this way as I think there is danger in being too satisfied. At I get too slothful. On the other hand, the folks over at Lord of Spirit podcast teach humanity, and contentment. They say to seek out God's plan and forget one's own will (other than the will to put others before your own needs). I think at least for now, I'll stick with empowerment. In other words, what is helping me to empower me to live my best life? If I do that, it would be the NDE philosophy.

The reason this empowers me if multi-folded. First, as a writer and performer it take enormous pressure off me. If I know that I'm simply not that important in the scheme of things as they say on the Lord of Spirits podcast, if I , Heaven forbid, fail, it's not that big of a deal. The same goes with success. And that unless I'm an extremely evil person, I'll probably have a good afterlife. My career goals are simply not that important. If I can recall, Twayla Tharp says that an art project doesn't need to be obligation as much as passion. I whole-heartedly agree. I also love her chapter on "names." I don't think she's that great of a choreographer, nor do I think Theresa Rebeck is that great of a playwright, however they both have great "names." Maybe I should change my name.

But not "having to" succeed, or fulfill a certain role as a storyteller, or be famous and rich, adds a huge weight that I need to carry. Having no obligation takes enormous pressure off of me to actually sit down and do the work, and do it with love. And, at least in my past, this is when I often do my best work.

A second reason NDE's empower me is that it makes me realize I'm here a very short time, compared to eternity. Many have said, after an NDE, that they know their "mission" in life or at least know that their mission is to find their mission in life. There was a book, The After-Life of Billy Fingers, where the author communicates with her dead brother, a homeless drug addict, after he's passed. This of course isn't a NDE, but she says that even in the afterlife, he's not judged for being a "failure" in this life. If things got rough, it was only a matter of time that change happened.

I'm late for my appointment, so I'll cut this one short.